Roxanne Modafferi TUF Blog Week 4 Part 1 of 2
Part 1 of 2….Credit to Fox Sports/Zuffa for pictures
Roxy did not fight Jessica.
The alter ego of Roxanne Modafferi fought the alter ego of Jessica Rakozcy.
I think the change takes place somewhere in the warming up process, and is complete by the time we enter the cage. Our alter egos met in the ring and battled hard.
I was pleased I got her down a few times, but between the first and second round, I felt the strength strangely leaving my body. She rocked me a few times in round two. Miesha had told me get one take down, so I stupidly and doggedly rushed at her when we got close, thinking if I could just get it, things would work out. It didn’t.
When the ref stopped the fight due to her holding the fence, I thought he was calling it her win, so I screamed “I’m okay! I’m okay!” When he brought her over to the side, I still had no idea what was going on, but my legs felt like lead. He then said “GO,” so I went.
Then the irony of the slam. I hate the powerbomb. My Achilles heel. Ever since I had lost my Strikeforce title shot to Kaufman by the powerbomb slam in 2010, I swore it’d never happen again. Part of the reason my loss tore me up so much was that this is the second time. I swore I’d just let go of her before I got lifted. Actually, earlier in the fight I felt her lifting a few times, so I let go. I don’t know what came over me to hold on. When I realized I was up in the air, it was too late. After it happened, I wanted to get up. My head was spinning, but my inner voice said, ‘Just get up. Get up. Go after her.’ I tried to keep fighting, but was too dizzy to stand, so the ref called it.
After the fight ended, our alter-egos left and our normal selves came back. Laying there, I wanted to congratulate Jessica on her win, and let her know that I was okay. I knew it was a happy time for her. So I asked them to call her over. I hugged her, said “Good job, big sister” …and then burst into tears. That’s just what I DIDN’T want to happen. I’m very bad at holding in my emotions, positive or negative. I had wanted to save tears for the bathroom, where nobody could see, much less in front of her. I wanted to give her a smile. I didn’t want to spoil her happy feeling of the win. I’m sorry! But I couldn’t keep it in. I had wanted to win so badly. It was my dream.
She lifted me up and told me, “The heart stuff is what makes you a champion. You know this!” She is a real champion I can look up to.
Fighters step on other fighter’s dreams in order to reach their own. I’m glad that if I had to give up my dream of being ‘The Ultimate Fighter,’ at least it was to a great person like her. I mentioned myself being a ‘vet,’ but she’s a ‘vet’ in her sport of boxing, too. It’s disrespectful to not think of her as a veteran.
I haven’t achieved perfection of my technique yet. I want to be a master at my art. So I’m going keep going hard. Always get back up. It’s so easy to stay down. It’s so hard to get back up again. When you do hard things, physically, mentally, or emotionally, you grow.
I let down the people who love me and support me. But I think those same people would be sadder to see me stay down. So I’ll smile and promise to do my best.
When you do something hard or painful, you grow, but you can’t tell until some time passes.
“The heart is what makes you a champion.” ~Jessica Rakoczy
part 2 coming soon…