Roxanne Modafferi TUF Blog Week 4 Part 1 of 2

Part 1 of 2….Credit to Fox Sports/Zuffa for pictures

Roxy did not fight Jessica.

The alter ego of Roxanne Modafferi fought the alter ego of Jessica Rakozcy.

I think the change takes place somewhere in the warming up process, and is complete by the time we enter the cage.  Our alter egos met in the ring and battled hard.

screen capped roxanne

I was pleased I got her down a few times, but between the first and second round, I felt the strength strangely leaving my body.  She rocked me a few times in round two.  Miesha had told me get one take down, so I stupidly and doggedly rushed at her when we got close, thinking if I could just get it, things would work out. It didn’t.

When the ref stopped the fight due to her holding the fence, I thought he was calling it her win, so I screamed “I’m okay! I’m okay!”  When he brought her over to the side, I still had no idea what was going on, but my legs felt like lead. He then said “GO,” so I went.

 Then the irony of the slam.  I hate the powerbomb.  My Achilles heel.  Ever since I had lost my Strikeforce title shot to Kaufman by the powerbomb slam in 2010, I swore it’d never happen again.  Part of the reason my loss tore me up so much was that this is the second time.  I swore I’d just let go of her before I got lifted. Actually, earlier in the fight I felt her lifting a few times, so I let go.  I don’t know what came over me to hold on. When I realized I was up in the air, it was too late.  After it happened, I wanted to get up. My head was spinning, but my inner voice said, ‘Just get up. Get up.  Go after her.’ I tried to keep fighting, but was too dizzy to stand, so the ref called it.

After the fight ended, our alter-egos left and our normal selves came back.  Laying there, I wanted to congratulate Jessica on her win, and let her know that I was okay.  I knew it was a happy time for her.  So I asked them to call her over.  I hugged her, said “Good job, big sister” …and then burst into tears.  That’s just what I DIDN’T want to happen.  I’m very bad at holding in my emotions, positive or negative. I had wanted to save tears for the bathroom, where nobody could see, much less in front of her.  I wanted to give her a smile.  I didn’t want to spoil her happy feeling of the win.  I’m sorry!  But I couldn’t keep it in.  I had wanted to win so badly.  It was my dream.

jessica and roxy hugging

She lifted me up and told me, “The heart stuff is what makes you a champion.  You know this!”   She is a real champion I can look up to.

Fighters step on other fighter’s dreams in order to reach their own. I’m glad that if I had to give up my dream of being ‘The Ultimate Fighter,’ at least it was to a great person like her.  I mentioned myself being a ‘vet,’ but she’s a ‘vet’ in her sport of boxing, too.  It’s disrespectful to not think of her as a veteran.

I haven’t achieved perfection of my technique yet.   I want to be a master at my art.  So I’m going keep going hard.  Always get back up. It’s so easy to stay down.  It’s so hard to get back up again.  When you do hard things, physically, mentally, or emotionally, you grow.

I let down the people who love me and support me.  But I think those same people would be sadder to see me stay down.  So I’ll smile and promise to do my best.

When you do something hard or painful, you grow, but you can’t tell until some time passes.

 “The heart is what makes you a champion.” ~Jessica Rakoczy

part 2 coming soon…

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Comments

43 Responses to “Roxanne Modafferi TUF Blog Week 4 Part 1 of 2”
  1. Nick Mahmood says:

    Proud of your performance, you didn’t let anyone down

  2. Dominic says:

    That was such a good fight. I am now a big fan of Roxanne. Best wishes and good luck

  3. Hi Roxy,
    I cried for you when I realized that the outcome was not in your favor. As you said in your blog, both you and Jessica are veterans — even though she has fewer MMA fights than you do, she has a long boxing history. I’m disappointed for you, happy for Jessica and delighted that women are breaking ground for all of the future female MMA fighters to follow in your footsteps.

    You are a pioneer for women’s MMA. That is something to be proud of forever.

  4. Marissa says:

    Always admired you as a fighter and a person! Keep up your hard work. You are an inspiration to women like me that no matter what gets you down, you can always stand tall again.

  5. Dan says:

    That was an awesome fight and you’re a fantastic fighter. You can tell from the show that you’re an even better person. Obviously the later is far more important. Your dream is not over. Every year multiple fighters from the house that lost make a career in the UFC…and there aren’t as many top level MMA women fighters. You’ve got a great career ahead of you. Looking forward to your 1st “official” fight in the Octagon!!

  6. Multiflave says:

    Stay true and keep going , you are a true inspiration to me. Thanx

  7. VID says:

    Was such an amazing fight roxanne truly has the heart of a shinobi. Love you roxanne come back soon!

  8. Sandi22354 says:

    Aww Roxy, you haven’t let anyone down, it just feels that way right at this moment. You did great, don’t lose that amazing smile girl! Be proud young lady, be proud!

  9. Shibo says:

    You’re the best, Roxy. You didn’t let anyone down. You captured the hearts of a lot of people tonight. You just wait and see. :)

  10. Tucker says:

    I thought you were a bit disrespectful to Tate when she tried to comfort you after your loss.
    Not all fighters like to be approached or comforted after a loss and I thought that was the case with you.
    But to push Tate away and the next second accept comfort from Baszler probably made Tate feel very unappreciated and awkward.

    • Dan F says:

      She’s known Baszler for three times as long, is better friends with Baszler, and both of them have been fighting for longer than Tate and are older than Tate. -_-

      What is your issue here? That Tate is technically her coach or something (for 6 weeks)? Roxy can vent her grief to who she wants, she doesn’t owe that to Miesha, and Roxy was being polite to her if anything.

    • A.Fighter says:

      Obviously an opinion of someone who IS not a fighter. From my perspective Roxy and spades share a bond since they both came in with a lot of experience and similar “travels” to get recognition in this sport. To get to the spot light and loose is overwhelming and to criticize anyone in this emotional state shows a lack of empathy towards the situation which only could be the opinion of a spectator that has never experienced cage fighting.

      • Tucker says:

        A.Fighter – Who knows, I might be more of a fighter both in life and in sports then you my friend.
        I like Roxy, she’s the sweetest and most genuine person I’ve seen on the show and I felt bad for her when she lost, but I also felt a bit bad for Tate. A. Fighter to be empathic means imo to be able to take both Roxy’s and Tate’s feelings into consideration not just one side. But in emotional situations misunderstandings like this often happens, and It’s a testament of what a nice person you are Roxy :-) that you took your time to call Tate after the episode and check if she took it the wrong way.

        Best wishes

        • Rach says:

          I think if the one thing you point out is what you assumed was disrespect when someone just went through something so devastating is probably more insensitive than anything else. Not saying anything about you as a person just more about judgement and timing of such a comment.

          • Tucker says:

            You’re right Rach, “a bit disrespectful” was not the right word to use. English is not my native language so it may have sounded more harsh than it was meant to be.
            You call me insensitive but to me it’s equally insensitive for viewers not to notice that Tate also could have got her feelings hurt.

            Judgment & timing? This took place months ago and I’m sure it will be a painful memory for a long time, but were actually invited to comment on this, and I’m assuming we could also criticize and not only praise?

    • Roxy says:

      I know, I felt really bad watching that. I meant to say “Let me walk” but instead it came out “let me be.” I called Miesha after I saw the ep and apologized. :(

      • mugly says:

        No need to apologise Roxy. In the sorrow of your disappoint you reacted instinctively. You were reaching out to someone you trust–for comfort and consolation. When you were a baby that would have been your mother, but in this situation it just happened to be Shayna. You knew her for longer and a result had a stronger connection with her than with Meisha. You were reaching out to the person you trusted the most and it wasn’t Meisha. There’s no need for Miesha to be offended and for you to apologise.

    • Shienna says:

      You are amazing Roxy. Despite the lost, you kept the heart of a fighter. I remember a clip from Episode 2, one of the guys said, “Roxanne is a samurai, I trust her”. The same goes with your MMA fans, weather you win or lose, you will always be a samurai. Stay smiling Happy Fighter. :)

      xoxo

  11. lawrence yang says:

    you went out like a true samurai. powerful Roxy. you’re amazing.

  12. CJ says:

    Roxanne, you have been one of my favorite fighters for YEARS. You didn’t let anyone down, you never do! You continue to inspire us with your positivity and kindness and the people who love you will continue to love you as long as you are you. You rock my socks!

  13. Sam says:

    You put on a great fight Roxanne, you have definitely gained a lot of respect and fans from your time on The Ultimate Fighter and I hope that your future is full of happiness and success. Watching you on TUF and seeing how much of a joyful and beautiful person you are definitely made not only me but many people develop an attachment to you and seeing you lose was borderline heartbreaking, congratulations to Jessica on the win but it just sucked that you had to be on the losing end. All the best Roxanne!

  14. Clurre says:

    Wow, amazing. Never seen you before TUF, and didn’t get what both Rousay and Tate was saying about you being an inspiration and a warrior before this episode. Now I totally get what everyone was talking about. You did not let anyone done as far as I am concerned. One of the few persons that I can say I am truly inspired by. You are just amazing, please never change who you are!

  15. Jacki King says:

    You fought hard and had a great start…I had my fingers crossed, but this can only be the start of more great things!

  16. Bobby says:

    ROXANNE,
    Great fight with Jessica! You have a warriors heart and the gentle soul of an angel! Pure class in and out of the cage. Everyone loves you! This world needs more people like you!!!!!!
    Thank you for being you!

  17. Chris says:

    You’ve got a skill few people in this world have, you make people better simply by interacting with them. You have a true fighter spirit but you also have an incredible inner peace that is truly inspiring. I was already rooting for you this season, but cheering for your future from here on out. You truly deserve whatever mountain top you choose to ascend to. Onward and upward Roxanne, the worlds a better place with you in it.

  18. McGreevey says:

    What a great role model Roxi is. Not just for MMA fighters, but for the general populace. I love her!!!!!

  19. SamuraiJack says:

    Keep on smiling Roxy.. you fought a hard fight and fought to win. No way did you let anyone down. You do what so many could never do, get in the cage and face an opponent. You are a true pioneer of the sport. I have to admit though it was hard watching you fight because I began to see you as a person I had come to like rather than as a fighter. Regardless of whether you had won or lost it is difficult to see someone you like get hurt. I know you have choosen this profession and it challenges you but please don’t get hurt, and ovoid those power slams in the frture! It seems that everyone in the TUF had your back… on both teams.. thats a rare gift to be able to develop and maintain those types of friendships.

  20. Victor says:

    Nothing to be ashamed about..your a true warrior Roxanne. :) Still my fav in the house

  21. Graham Dube says:

    あなたはいつも私の目にチャンピオンになります

  22. shimewaza says:

    You were awesome! Nothing to be ashamed about. Also, I liked how you rep’d the nihongo on the show :-) 七転び八起きっていうし、これからも諦めずに頑張ってな!

  23. Great job Roxy! Years ago I refereed your bout with Tara at Moosin and was very happy to see that you made the TUF show. You are doing a great job of representing the warrior spirit with class and grace!

  24. Rach says:

    I know from experience that competing in any kind of combat sport is better than any kind of drug you can imagine taking – when you win. When you lose- it is the lowest of lows. Its not the end Roxy- its only the beginning. I am reading your blogs and you are getting some amazing training. Keep it up… look forward to seeing you in the UFC!

  25. Benjamin Brown says:

    Your wonderful attitude has stolen my heart. All the best.

  26. Zanne says:

    Roxanne, you’re an inspiration! And I’m another new fan in your corner from now on! I’ve got a feeling you’ll be fighting in the octagon. So many of your fans old and new are dying for MORE MORE of the Happy Warrior! I’ve read Every blog by everyone in the TUF house and to a person everyone says you are exactly who you seem to be. No fancy editing. That Nice, That Fun, That Genuine, That Happy. AND, according to those who have followed your career for years, That SCARY in the cage. Something about that juxtaposition, never any bragging or posturing, just humble kindness, with a solid rep for felling your foes, is just quake-making. Ha Mentally that has to disarm and disturb your opponents! I LOVE it!! And clearly, that’s organically how you are. Its not a strategy. Well, you’re a unique class of warrior, girl!! Salute! And Fight!

  27. Zanne says:

    Hi Roxanne, I have a quick p.s. I don’t know if you get to reply to comments, and i know you have aLot of fans talking to you, but I’m going to ask just in case!

    • Zanne says:

      Flip my actual question cut off ha. Here it is: When you stood up after your fight with Jessica you exclaimed something in Japanese. What did you say?

      • Roxy says:

        I said, “Sumimasen, ganbarimashita!”

        which means, “I’m sorry, I did my best!”

        And it was pointed out to me that I said something while on the ground, just before Jessica hit me that one last time. I have no idea that I even said anything, and I tried to rewind and listen, but I can’t keep rewatching myself get TKO-ed over and over. lol

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  1. […] I mentioned myself being a ‘vet,’ but she’s a ‘vet’ in her sport of boxing, too.  It’s disrespectful to not think of her as a veteran.” Roxanne Modaferri […]

  2. […] Last night the Roxanne Modafferi vs Jessica Rakocszy fight aired on TUF, and while Roxy won the first round on ground control and aggressive submission attempts, the second round didn’t go as well: […]

  3. […] felt embarrassed I cried so much in front of Jessica, as I mentioned here. link to post-episode blog I wanted to do it LATER. And I didn’t mean to push Miesha away when she was trying to help me […]



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