Practitioner Personalities #1-11!

| November 19, 2015 | 19 Comments

Before we get started, let’s get one thing out in the open. These are simply personalities that I’ve seen over the 18 years I’ve been on the tatami’s, zebra’s, puzzle mats, and swains.

Some of these you will find humorous, which is the point in this particular 4 part article and some you’ll feel as if your part of, and believe me, a lot of people will read this and think “Have I rolled with this guy before”?

Enjoy.

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  1. The “You only use strength on me” guy – He doesn’t want to use (or you to use) any strength.  Whenever you tap him, he’ll look disgruntled because, of course, you only got him by using strength.

 

108a49d46fb7e98648b184be5f7dc74b2. The Attention Deficit Disorder Guy – You think he should be force-fed an overdose of Ritalin before every class. He or she is rolling with you, but at the same time their listening to every single conversation happening on the mat, and paying some attention to every other fight.  They’ll give advice to the guys rolling near you as they try to pass your guard, will laugh at a joke someone made on the other side of the mat space when you have them in side control, and he will also interfere with someone else’s conversation when in your guard.  One sure way to tap them is pointing to the entrance and say something like “what’s Royce doing in here ?” and then take their back as they begins to look around. Oh yeah…this is the person who is always babbling when your instructor is showing a technique too…

 2-stinky1448  3. The Stinky Guy – We all know one. Take an f’ing shower once in a while. The only has one GI guy who trains twice a day for 5 straight days, who doesn’t own a washer, and thinks that air drying it outside will make his Gi smell “April Fresh”. Deodorant is non-existent in this persons life and neither is the ability to wipe their ass properly…..

 

4. The Nail Guy – Looks like you just rolled with Freddy Kruger afterwards.

168848814_XS 5. The Preparation Guy – this guy takes 30 minutes to get ready sitting on the chairs next to the training mats while the class is doing push-ups. He tapes every finger and toe with damn medical tape for some reason

 

 

fat_guy_bjj 6. The Holder – Thinks getting you in North-South for 30 minutes= success. “Hey, you couldn’t escape and you didn’t tap me, therefore I must be better than you”. Also known as the 2007’s version of “The Squatter”.

 


root-beer-tapper-2007-image771151 7. 
The Pre-Tapper – This guy has such a quick mind that he’s able to tap 3-4 moves ahead of an actual submission! Anyone that can remember the picture above is automatically qualified for the Old Man BJJ tournament!

German-Shepherd-Aggressive-200x300 8. The Spaz – Closely related to “Let’s go light” except they don’t try to fool you into thinking their going light before he goes spastic. This guy usually is medium sized and just goes crazy in every position available. If you’re on your knees trying to work for position he’ll often either bum rush you or try the traditional shove, (Dealt with this in visiting academies). The spaz will push as hard as they can from every position and often with much force so it’s almost a punch, the spaz is also prone to slamming out of submissions.

 9. The Latecomer – This guy shows up to every class exactly when the grueling warm-up is over and is always fresher than everybody else come rolling time. The 2012 rendition of “The traffic was horrible even though I walk here” guy.Late3

 10. The Dumb as a Rock Technician – This is the one that you try to teach him a technique and he just won’t get it. After 3 months of drilling upa, he’ll say: “ok, what arm do I grab again?” 6e88fdd20e03933129f1a2027e0e92d150a1516e

 11. The ‘Won’t Let You Practice’ Guy – This guy is the HANDS DOWN WORST guy to practice with. Whenever learning a new technique, or sweep…anything, this guy won’t let you do the move (during practice not rolling). This person comes in different forms.
imagesThey won’t let you do the move, because they resists it so much, so you’re never able to learn the move properly…and you look like a complete asshole to your professor because everyone else in the room is doing it, but you can’t because of your “over-bearing prick” of a partner. Their constant resistance makes you look like crap in front of the instructor also. This person won’t let you learn the move properly because they collapse before you’ve completed the sweep. This roller is like a loose ass piece of wet paper. You’re transitioning for the sweep, before you even kick their leg to turn them, you find there already on they’re back, and they most likely pulled you on top of  them to full mount. Yes, this person sometimes makes you look great, but in the tournament you get your ass handed to you, cuz for some reason, your opponent turns into Douche Bag #1 who resists!!

Hope you enjoyed Part 1. Please leave you comments below. Part 2, 12-22 will be out soon.!

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Category: Fireside Chat, J3 "Just Jiu Jitsu"

About the Author ()

I'm a born and raised New Englander, I've been around the MMA and BJJ circuits for years dating back to 2005. A Maine native, BJJ brown belt, and ABC certified MMA referee. I'm a grammatical nightmare but hey, you'll get the point. Being a dump truck physically and a blunt object mentally allows me to see the finer points within the sport of BJJ, without being compromised via politics, biased, racism, sexism or negativity. I've been around the country, as a medic, referee, setup crew, breakdown crew, driver, and everything in between that a promotion has needed in order to gain the inside intel on today's world of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

Comments (19)

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  1. Mike Hammersmith says:

    Solid work pal. The tape guy always confuses me with linking fingers together, covering nails, etc. If your nails are trimmed, I can’t see how it’s even possible to rip a nail off, but whatever floats their collective boat.

    • Adam S. says:

      Some people have skin issues where their finger tips wear down at the skin quickly.

      Getting older I’m seeing the reason for taping sometimes.

  2. Eric says:

    It’s the stinky guy you gotta watch out for! Look at it this way, it’s good practice for those who will be working in the law enforcement industry, because that stinky guy on the mat doesn’t compare to that of reality’s stinky guy!

    • Adam S. says:

      Truth spoken.
      Its more of a hygiene issue while training. Sometimes I wish we could train in street clothes everyday

      • Eric says:

        Martial arts isn’t a luxury sport, period!They don’t give out medals or cash for good hygiene. Look at the American hockey team that beat Russia in the Olympics. As long as you can rinse your body before and after training your clothes can stand up from stink as far as I care. Again, martial arts isn’t a luxury sport!

  3. Dan Bonnell says:

    Any chance you encountered all of these guys on your trip to Florida?
    Hence the creation of the article?
    Good read…look forward to more.

    If anyone notices you are or where one of these guys, please tell us your story.

  4. Dan Bonnell says:

    Any chance you met all of these guys while training in Florida? Something must have spurred up this article lol.

    If anyone reading this realizes you are one of these guys or were one please tell us your story.

  5. Momma says:

    If you’re too good you’re no good!

  6. Sun tzu says:

    If you are too good you’re no good!

  7. off topic says:

    It’s no BJJ when you train in America. Legally, its AJJ, JJ, or Gracie JJ.

    • Adam Sawyer says:

      So if you train directly under let’s just throw out any ole’ name, Renzo Gracie, at his academy in NYC, and he says “Welcome to my BJJ Schoool”!, Then your implying he’s wrong and needs to be immediately corrected because he’s in the USA????

      • Eric says:

        You’re only assuming that he would say that, and they’d be the first to correct you and say, “It’s Gracie Ju-Jitsu”. Just because you got some lessons from a Brazilian doesn’t make you Brazilian! It’s just not cool for an American to call it Brazilian Ju-Jitsu!As far as my comment that I paraphrased from the Art of War, it does have logic on this topic.I’m not going to well wish you, because I hardly even know you, but do a little research on Miyamoto Musashi. He wasn’t the best dressed, didn’t smell the best, didn’t win all his battles, spent time in jail, and wrote the book of five rings. He didn’t start blossoming until he was on his own.

    • Adam S. says:

      Legally????? I’ll need proof of this and explanation.

      So wrestling should be called Roman?
      ?etc etc?

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