Practitioner Personalities #12-27

| November 22, 2015 | 0 Comments


Continuing the epic saga that is the practitioner personalities of Jiu Jitsu, although, i’m noticing that most readers are sending me messages saying that they find these personalities in other sports as well and they are spot on!

SO without further adieu, 12-27….. enjoy.





12 Mr. Excuses – This guy has to tell you of every ailment, injury, pain, he has in his body, to not allow you to attack those areas. “Oh dude, my (insert body part) been hurting, so no (insert submission) today” Sometimes this guy goes into pre excuse emotional problems he has, and how it will affect his training. If he’s been really shitty on the mat lately, it’s because he broke up with his girl, and he’ll let you know about it, so you understand why he stinks.




13. The Laugher – This guy rolls with you and is constantly laughing at everything to make the roll so friendly that you won’t push any competition against him, or hurt him in anyway. You’re rolling and get by the wall, “Hahahaha…. dude we’re way too close to the wall, I didn’t want us to go through the wall. (1999’s version of the “Giggles McGee”)




14. The Best Friend (Talker) – This one……Jesus! You are very similar in how you both think. As soon as you start rolling, this guy wants to know what you did over the weekend, what you’ve been up to, how you’re ankle is healing, and thanks you for being good at BJJ. Again this guy thinks being overly friendly prevents competition.







15. Mr. Media – Has every fight ever recorded on VHS, DVD and on Blu-ray, has every BJJ book ever published, every BJJ instructional video/DVD ever produced, has a wide range of GI’s to choose from, posts daily on every BJJ blog on the web, can recite the contents of from memory, and sucks at BJJ; will be awarded a blue belt in about ten years out of pure pity. (2013’s rendition of “The guy who knows who beat that other guy that one time”.





16. The ‘Sweet Sub’ Guy – He’s similar to the “Professor in Training”, in that he can’t accept tapping. So if you are transitioning to a triangle choke, and he’s kind of sunk, but before you fully finish the hold, he’ll tap and give it to you. This guy always taps on the transition to a move, not the move itself, and says “Sweet Sub” like they let you catch them….and considering they didn’t tap when you completely had the choke sunk in, you didn’t really beat them. (Known in 2001 as the “Consistent Bronze Medalist)



new-guy17. The ‘House GI’ Guy –Borrows a house gi that has the HUGE WORDS “ACADEMY” on it, which translates to ‘this is my first lesson here’. Seems to get thru the warm-ups without any problem, doesn’t ask any questions about any technique, and rolls with everyone without submitting anyone or getting submitted. Later on you find out he was an NCAA div 1 wrestling champ and trained in Brazil for a few years but has been off of the mats for a few months because he just moved back to the United States from Thailand conducting PSI experiments on his thai kicks!



maxresdefault18. The Funny Car Roller – Comes out of the gate at you at full throttle like their ass is on fire and you’re their only salvation. 2 minutes into a 5 minute match their breathing snot out of their nose and become dizzy.  Then on the restart, they tap when you get a dominant position. The Funny Car Roller is always seen huffing and puffing, even when they are the ones in top position and you’re the one getting pressed down on. (The 2011 version of “Underwater Breather Guy”.)


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19. The Pretzel – Every move you’ve ever practiced becomes difficult because this guy can get into positions that would make a pretzel cringe. Most commonly referred to in the world as a Gumby. I have one fellow student whose crazy flexible, and isn’t afraid to twist himself into a twizzler to keep you from starting your game!




   20. Drama Guy – This guy is somewhat tough, but as you push the rolling, sometimes your feet hit his head (incidental), or you go for a cross face, and everything you do is a HUGE injury to him. He constantly stops training to let you know that your finger almost touched his eye, and how he needs a 5 minute timeout, because it left him completely in a daze…he’s confused at where he’s at now. This guy I hate the most, because he literally kills training with all the drama he puts into every tiny incidental contact.



Mackenzie Dern, Current 2015 IBJJF Rate #1 BJJ tournament competitor in the world.

21. The De-Man-izer – This is the small person (often a girl) who will single out the biggest, highest ranking male she can find, then fling her tiny body at him and proceed to beat him down and tap him within an inch of his life. Often, her victims will lose all testicular fortitude, cry, and quit the sport for life…






22. “Mr. Tough as Nails” – This is the guy who started later in life but despite his age, he is tougher than 90% of the twenty-something’s. He can get kneed in the head, kicked in the groin, or have his arm near torn off, and barely grimace as he continues to grapple (often against someone a lot bigger). All the while they will continue to grip your GI as if their posing for the next “Cliffhanger” poster.





23. “Mr. Geriatric Genetic Mutant Man – This is the guy who started even later in life and despite a host of injuries, does 1 hr. of circuit training before class, grapples all the good/big folks in class despite being injured, and then bikes the 20 miles home telling everyone he’ll see them tomorrow for morning class.


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24. The Uneducated Apprentice – You roll with this person for a round and get tapped once or twice in a three minute round. The person is good but even they don’t know exactly what they’re doing. They just see something and try for it because they know the joint doesn’t bend that way. You’re learning moves together as he taps you out. (During your tap out, you consider saying, “What the F***”?)




bj-penn-125. The Mechanical Prodigy – This person just tools you and takes you apart like you’re not even moving. Not for any negative reason, but just because they know their shit. If you go hard, they’ll tap you for being over-assertive against them; if you go light they tap you for not pressuring them enough and giving up position. If you are in between they just control you and sweeps or reverse you at their leisure. When you look at them again like “WTF”, they just looks at you like “What… did time run out?” (Formerly known in 2010 as “Current UFC Contract Killer”.




26. The Acrobat – This person does such crazy, often ridiculous shit that ends up working because you weren’t expecting a rolling back handstand to long side guard pass or head stand to armbar from half guard. Pick and chose any other absurd move you can possibly think of, and chances are the acrobat has already written down that combination in their glossary of awesome moves catalog of Jiu Jitsu moves!!!!!





27. Mr. Clockwork – This person literally does the same things for 2 years and gets caught in the same submissions, sweeps or passes exactly the same way every single roll. They almost have an internal refusal to change their guard passing routes. (2002’s version of “Senor’ Predictable)




More to come….. Stay tuned.




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Category: Fireside Chat, J3 "Just Jiu Jitsu"

About the Author ()

I'm a born and raised New Englander, I've been around the MMA and BJJ circuits for years dating back to 2005. A Maine native, BJJ brown belt, and ABC certified MMA referee. I'm a grammatical nightmare but hey, you'll get the point. Being a dump truck physically and a blunt object mentally allows me to see the finer points within the sport of BJJ, without being compromised via politics, biased, racism, sexism or negativity. I've been around the country, as a medic, referee, setup crew, breakdown crew, driver, and everything in between that a promotion has needed in order to gain the inside intel on today's world of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

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